I received this text from a good friend tonight and thought I would share because if I had a penny for every time I got asked this question, I could have bought myself a boyfriend by now!!! So I’m clearly really knowledgable on this subject, right?!
It’s so funny to me, actually. Because it’s really a pretty simple concept. But it’s one so many girls just can’t grasp. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. Like these are my BEST friends that come to me asking how I do it. “How have you gone 21 years without a boyfriend?” “How do you do it?! I just don’t understand.” “I don’t believe you.. YOU have never had a boyfriend, boo thang, anythang???” “You reallyyy don’t want a bf? Are you sure??”… and the list goes on and on.
So the answer to all of these questions is NO. No, I don’t want a boyfriend. No, I’m not lonely (well, for the most part.. everyone gets lonely now and then c’mom). No, boys don’t constantly consume my mind. No, actually I am completely, utterly, totally, 100% fine with being single. And I think there’s many reasons for that.
1. I’ve been single all my life.. so I don’t know it any other way.
2. I grew up watching all of my friend’s hearts’ being broken over and over again by stupid boys that didn’t care. I was there through the ups and downs of their relationships- the “OMG we’re getting married” to the “I can’t believe he could hurt me like this.” I’ve seen the happy tears and the sad tears. I’ve seen it all. And to be honest, I’ve been through it with them so many times that I feel like I’ve gone through it myself. I hurt because I saw the ones I love most hurting. And if that hurt, I can’t imagine being in their shoes. And I think that’s always kind of scared me.
* side note to lighten up the mood * I find it hilarious that almost every single one of my friends comes to me for relationship advice and I mean I’m a good listener and never have a problem giving my open and honest opinion.. BUT YOU GUYS DO KNOW I HAVE LITERALLY NEVER BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP BEFORE, RIGHT?!
3. After my parents got divorced I kind of gave up on love as any child of divorce does. It does something to you that you can’t even explain. I remember laying in bed late at night not being able to sleep because my parents were screaming at each other downstairs. And in those moments, I would always think “I don’t want that. Why are they like that? How can two people that once loved each other so much suddenly grow this strong hate for each other?” It made no sense to me. Still doesn’t. And that’s when I kind of swore off love. I always told myself I didn’t need it. In the end, it would only cause pain. And don’t get me wrong- my parents’ divorce was a blessing in disguise. Things are so much better and much more peaceful now. But just thinking about everything they went through just to get to this point is heartbreaking. And I don’t want to go through that.
4. Most importantly- the opportunity has never really presented itself. And if it had, maybe things would be different. Maybe I would be typing about how much I love Tommy right now. “OMG he’s SO great.” “I love his curly hair and the way it blows in the wind.” “I love the way he looks at me before he kisses me goodnight.” “I love the way he smells.” No but really.. I mean I’ve had the casual hook ups- the ones that like to pop up in your life ever so often to remind you that they’re still there. And then there’s the guy that’s loved you since the 8th grade and probably won’t give up until we’re 80. But I’ve never genuinely had a guy like me and be like “Hey, I like you. You like me. Let’s date.” No guy has ever told me he loves me (besides my daddy of course). And I’ve never felt a physical, mental, or emotional connection strong enough to someone to make me want to commit myself to being in a relationship with them. It just simply hasn’t happened. And I can’t even explain how grateful I am for it. And I know God has an exact reason for it. Probably deeper than the reasons I have come up with. But I can honestly say I am fully self sufficient. I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN DANGIT!! When I’m happy, it’s because I made myself happy. When I’m sad, it’s because I made myself sad. When I’m feeling bad as f*ck, it’s because I am!! (lol jk..kinda) I don’t need no man telling me I’m pretty so I can get my self confidence boost in for the day. I have gained everything on my own. And THAT is priceless. Ya wanna know why? Because I know I can go through this life by myself. I know I might never find “the one” and I am perfectly okay with that. Because if that’s His plan, I want to follow it!! More than anything. I know He only wants the best for me and that is so reassuring. I trust His plan. Everything happens for a reason- so cliche, but so true my friends.
And ya know, I’m not saying I NEVER think about my love life. Sometimes I wonder if I ever will have a boyfriend. Some of my friends think God has this amazing hunk of a man waiting for me because I’ve waited so patiently- lol. And the occasional butt grab and “you like nice baby girl” wouldn’t hurt- but I can tell ya.. I can live without it. Why would I settle just so I can be with someone? Simply for the presence of another person? For the sex? So I’m not alone? Even though they don’t truly care about me? Even though they don’t have the same end goal/dreams/aspirations?? Now, THAT doesn’t make sense to me!!
So to my ladies that get a little impatient waiting for their somebody-
You gotta stop planning and stop worrying about the future. Live in today because that’s enough. And trust me, I get it. It’s hard not knowing what’s ahead. But there’s a reason for that.
So moral of the story.. Buy YOURSELF flowers. Stare at yourself in the mirror and instead of picking out all of your flaws, admire how glowing, beautiful, and dreamy your face looks. Compliment yourself! Like “damn I look good today!!” Just bake cookies. And smile. Because at the end of the day, the least of your worries should be who you’re going to end up with. If it’s in His plan, you have the rest of your life with “the one.”